I stopped going along with the crowd.

I started realizing that there are a lot of things about myself.

I somewhat wonder where will I be in a year or two.

I am scared because I barely know where I am now.

I started realizing that some people are selfish.

I started thinking that, maybe, those friends I thought to be I’m close to are not exactly the greatest people I know.

I started thinking that, maybe, those friends I’ve lost in touch with are the importants ones.

I look at my job on a 3rd person’s perspective and I am scared.

I miss the comforts of college, of my groups, of me socializing with the same people in consistency.

But I sometimes think that, maybe, they weren’t so great after all.

I’m beginning to understand more of myself.

My opinions are getting stronger.

I feel insecure and secure.

I find myself judging a bit more than usual.

I realized that I have boundaries.

I’ve added a lot to my list of what is acceptable and what is not.

I now laugh and cry with the greatest force of life.

I feel alone, scared and confused.

I suddenly feel that change is the enemy and I try to cling on the past but I realized that the past is drifting further and further.

I got my heart broken and wondered how someone I loved could do such damage.

I sometimes wonder why can’t I meet anyone decent enough to know me better.

Random hook ups start to look cheap.

Getting wasted and acting like idiots start to look pathetic.

I worry about the future and making a life for myself.

What I don’t know is that everyone can relate to this.

We are in our best of times and our worst times.

*sigh*

GET A LIFE

Conscience: Have you ever been in a situation, say at work, where a voice was saying “You deserve better than this.”?

Beejing: Yeah, I have been. A lot of times.

Conscience: Have you been promised at something so seriously?

Beejing: Yes. In fact, I was left in rubble when it vanished into thin air.

Conscience: Have you been treated as inferior?

Beejing: Yes.

Conscience: Are you fed up?

Beejing: I couldn’t say that I am. I’m not sure though.

I finished a heavy duty report just a few minutes ago and it took me almost 2 hours to complete. -Sigh- I can now breathe. Back to blogging. Yeah, I admit that this blog has been going dormant and this is actually my fault. I have been very busy at work trying to absorb reports, statistics, and emails. In fact, I’m in the office most of the time checking and double-checking the reports, making the team stats and nosebleeding on my agents’ attitude problem. Worse, I still don’t have broadband access at home. I need to pay my bills, fast. Well, at least I can still access my blog at work. haha! As for my twitter account, it has been surf-controlled just today. Darn. Too bad.

On a serious note, last Sunday was not a good time for me. I was baptized on fire, as they (other supervisors) call it. It was my first time to be alone taking care of the OPs Floor and it’s in the GraveYard shift. Although, I have been taking care of the OPs Floor alone for a few times but that was on the AM shift. Sunday was different. Wohooo! I thought I’d never make it but surprisingly I did. Haha. By the time I ended the 14 hour shift I was ready to break down and collapse. And yeah, I did, at the comfort of my bed. I woke up 10 hours later. I was supposed to have 3 rest days but I had to cover the operations because the other Supervisors are on a team building - without me. “Without me” is another story.

Wednesday. I came in 30 minutes before my scheduled time-in. The moment I entered the OPs Floor I knew something’s up. I opened my 150+ emails and carefully read through each of them. I was almost done reading all the emails and flagging those that needs to be flagged when a Supervisor (who used to be my Supervisor too) told me she needs to talk to me about something. I knew it - this was it.

I had to brace myself when she delivered the news. It was kinda sad (on my part) and I know they’re happy with it. Yet again, I have to accept the fact that they’re leaving. They’re - because she’s not the only one but there’s 3 of them. One of them used to be my supervisor who taught me a lot. It never occured to me that they’ll be leaving this soon. I’ve come to love them but there are things we have to let go. My question is why this soon?

Well, that’s Life.

It is exactly 2 weeks today when our Internet got disconnected. I know it was our fault. Haha. We don’t have the time to go to Globe Payment Center and pay the bills. Lazy meh, I mean us. And so after 2 months of not paying attention to the Notice of Disconnection, we got what we deserved. lols. Now, I have to live for a few weeks without internet. Although, I can browse some websites in the office but I’m afraid to get reprimanded by our IT Administrator. Haha. Anyway, I have a lot of photo albums to upload, sites to visit, social networking accounts to update, and yet it’s still gonna be a long time before we get the internet connection restored. I’m getting frustrated of just staying at home watching Lobo when all of the blogosphere is in chaos. lols. I feel so left behind. Well, as I’ve said we got what we deserve. 

I was quite apprehensive when my manager called me at 5am giving the responsibility to take over someone else’s team and that was three weeks ago. That’s when my life started to spin 360 degrees.

I was in the middle of a dream when suddenly my phone rang. like a dedicated Phone Advisor, I picked it up before the line gets disconnected. The first time I said hello there was no response on the other end so I disconnected the call. I was supposed to doze off but a few seconds later my phone rang again. This time I answered quite rudely. I was pretty ashamed when on the other end came a familiar voice - it was my Manager! He asked me if I was disturbed from sleep and like a good kid I said “No, it is okay.” He gave a quick introduction on the reason for his calling. He asked me if I’m ready to take another challenge and I said “Yes, I love challenges.” He proposed that I’d taking responsibility of someone else’s team and it’s gonna be in less than a week. wohoooo! there. I got the challenge.

Now, after almost 3 weeks taking care of the team. I wonder how long would it take me to tame my super “pasaway” representatives. Knowing that my team is composed of tenured representatives, I should’ve expected their reactions, problems, and demands. I was caught off-guard. The fact that they’re “somewhat” disrespecting me is too much. I sought help from my manager to sort things out and I believe it’ll turn out fine. This morning we just had the weekly Ops Meeting and my reps’ issues were discussed  and we’ve come up to some solutions. *Sigh*

Now, I feel what my Team Leader felt when I was kinda “pasaway” 2 years ago. It’s like you want to poke them with needles until their bodies become dry from loss of blood. Brutal. Haha. But I guess I’m doing alright. I know I can manage this. I’ll make it through. I just know.

I can now breathe. I can now catch up to the things I love. Like uh, blogging? bloghopping? hmm…. what else… oooh yeah… shopping and I almost forgot - the beach. Oops… I just had my Bohol Escape last weekend. Lol. *Sigh*. Life really is amazing.

There are a lot of changes in my life recently. I’m not even sure if I’m keeping up but I guess these changes are tolerable.

One. I just got new responsibilities in the office and I’m not sure if I can live up to the expectations. I know I can handle the responsibilities, but I need all the help I can get and I know my colleagues (especially my manager) are there to support me. I need to be more focused this time. Career is getting good, I know that for sure.

Two. I just got moved to the morning shift. Yeah, I kinda like it but I am still adjusting my body clock. I have been on the evening shift for almost 3 years now and suddenly my schedule goes back to normal working hours. I may need to take supplements this time, seriously.

Three. On my previous blog entry, a friend met a horrible accident while intoxicated. That made me realise that I need to slow *sigh* down my alcohol in-take.

Four. In relation to my morning shift. I haven’t smoked any cigarettelately. I’m quite busy on the reports. This is actually good. lols.

Five. I’m nose-bleeding from a friend’s bragging sessions about her so-called career. Worse - It’s almost on a daily basis. 

Six. Cebu’s temperature is getting into my nerves.

Seven. I haven’t been to the beach for almost 2 weeks now. By the way, I love the beach just recently. I used to hate beaches.

Eight. I’m torn between our company summer outing and our team’s beach outing and what’s bad about the two - they’re both on the same dates.

Nine. I miss my family.

Ten. My Internet connection at home is down, 2 days now.

Eleven. I need to pay my bills or else…

Twelve. I need to save more and get a decent -ahem- laptop this time.

Thirteen. I need to reconsider the option to transfer to a new crib. My current crib is getting crowded.

Fourteen. I think, I need a love life. lols.

Fifteen. I want to be really really HAPPY.

That’s all.

I recently paid for a new hosting and a new domain. Based on the company’s website they’re hosting more than 2000 domains and they’re even boasting 8 years of hosting services. Reputable huh? So, I signed-up a year contract. I made a payment through Bank Deposit. Sent the required email. Well, I thought that was too easy. But I was phacking wrong. I recently went to a beach trip thinking by the time I’m back the account will be activated. I checked my email and there it was, they sent me an email stating that my payment is past due! I logged in to the client area and sent a ticket. Amazing, less than an hour later someone from their staff sent me a message and that my payment has been posted and they sent me the system generated invoice. I thought my headache was gone but this was just the beginning! According to their terms and conditions, the account will be activated within 24 hours from the time they receive the payment. Guess what? It’s more than 24 hours and no word yet. I sent them a few tickets asking for any update but it has fallen to deaf ears! argh! argh! I’m beginning to loose my patience here. phack. phack. This is so frustrating. It has been 5 days already. Activating an account shouldn’t take this long based from experience. I’ve delayed a lot of my new entries because I’m excited with my new domain and I’m phackingly disappointed now! I hope someone from their staff will read this.

“To my NEW HOST, you hear me? Get a Life! I might cancel my subscription and take it somewhere else. I’ve got 30 days right?”